Sometimes, I think too much to the point that I'm getting paranoid over things. Being a sensitive person, a small matter would be thought seriously by me or in several times in different angles. I always wants to consider the matter in different perceptions before making the decision or giving the advice. I want to avoid being regretful in the end, or being bitter of doing the wrong things before giving it a careful thought. I always want to give my best in doing things in my life. 'If you're not the best, be the best that you can', this has been my motto all along. But this is also what cause me to set an overly high goal most of the time without realizing my own ability. Or that I know my own ability, yet I want to set the level of the goal to challenge it and end up being disappointed myself. Every time I get a new job and a new environment, I would get all stressed out and paranoid. I expect myself to able to deliver what they require within a short period of time, forcing myself to learn as much things as possible. The paranoia within me would cause me to fumble in the end, sometimes causing mishaps to myself. Maybe this is caused by workload and expectation that is given to me from the past few jobs as a senior in those jobs. Or maybe it's just me who ponder too much on immaterial stuffs. In the end, this is Me. This is who I am. You can ask me not to think too much; but if I didn't, I wouldn't have been sensitive enough to sense what is wrong with the people I care, the environment that I live in and the small little changes that other people wouldn't notice. This is what has enabled me to live around and deal with difficult peoples in my life. This is what made me who I am today and who I will be tomorrow.
On the other hand, I thought that something that happened last week caused me to give quite a loud expression today in the public. Analyzing it over, I thought that the expression was inappropriate in the public. Maybe my words were quite loud or that my hand gestures were big, but the info that was given to me was not suited for my behavior. Clearly, the 2 people that were involved in the situation have little connection to me, but it was most probably due to the image and perception that I had on one of the subject was crushed from what I heard. I've always perceived 'Never judge a book by it's cover' as half true; But this time it proved me wrong again. But then, it's never my right to be judgmental about people that I barely know. The issue now is that I think my actions were a bit over; And that it will not be the same again the next time the same situation occur.
A quote last but not least, let's ponder. 'Honorable man are all built the same. Do you know when to walk away? Do you know when not to take less than you deserve? If you do, then you are an honorable man.'
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