Monday, December 31, 2007
And the snow, into nothingness,
Leaving the place I stand in,
A piece of dry barren land.
I rose up and try to leave the barren land,
Eager to grasp the snow and rain drops,
A set of chains appear,
Pulling my feet back on ground.
Steadfast on the piece of barren land,
Trying desperately to break free of the chains first,
And stop to ponder next,
Of what is and what not.
The wingless and bland me,
Trying to reach and grasp the piece of heaven that don't fit in.
1.** ***** **
2.** **** **** *** ****** *********
3.To get back the old results
4.To get a least 1 truly deserved holiday for myself
5.To save up and prepare for unexpected circumstances
6.To turn in early and rise up early
7.To read more books
8.To finally graduate
9.To secure a job after I graduate
10.To be a better person
Friday, December 21, 2007
If I want to be glamorous, I wouldn't be where I am now.
If I want to be glamorous, I wouldn't be wearing what I'm wearing now.
If I want to be glamorous, I wouldn't be studying what I'm studying now.
If I want to be glamorous, I wouldn't be using the gadgets I'm using now.
If I want to be glamorous, I wouldn't be staying where I am staying now.
Ah well, I would still like to be grateful for the constructive comments given. Without them, I would not be able to reanalyze myself in a different way. I would think this is the correct way all the while. I have learned to be grateful and appreciate everything that comes my way as even behind the harshest thing is a piece of advice intended to change my way. So, thank you.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Got to stop pretending everything is fine.
Got to stop being like this and hurt myself.
Got to stop from falling in too deep.
Got to stop thinking like the other person really cares.
Got to stop thinking this is real when I'm only imagining things.
Got to stop and get on with my life.
Got to wake up from my dream.
Got to see what's real and important and what's not.
Got to be brave and ask for the truth.
Got to know to answer to the questions.
How do I stop when I'm already entangled in the web?
How do I stop when I let myself fall too deep?
How do I stop when I keep letting myself think of the absurd?
How do I stop when I keep on hoping?
How do I stop when you are like that?
All I ask,
Is there a future?
Is there gonna be US? Or
Is is going to be Me instead?
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sunday, November 04, 2007
We often take things for granted, not realizing that the things that are given to us are all blessings to us for the hardship that we endured. It's not easy to obtain some things in our life, not easy to keep it and appreciate them either. Often, we forget the see the importance of the things that are in front of us. Instead, we tend to overuse, abuse our right and keep on repeating the same mistakes over and over, causing us to lose these items that plays an important part in our life. Dealing with a sudden loss is hard to cope, often leading to regret.
We are proud to think that the things we own will never leave us. We are confident that these things will remain by our side forever. We are greedy to think that what we have now is never enough and wanting more apart from keeping what we have now. Small gestures to appreciate will go a long way into memories. These small gestures will give a greater impact compared to money and time spent. These, are the token of appreciation, so meaningful and powerful that it will be carved into the hearts of people and memories to withstand the tests that come along. So powerful that it can make a person's day. Just a few sentences that come out from the heart, little actions that go unnoticed, or a simple gift with time and the heart that is put into it. How many of you have done these things?
Sunday, October 28, 2007
I guess that every working environment will sure to have that kind of person. This kind of person is such a faker. The person is good in polishing up other colleague's shoes and also the superiors till they see the person as a pleasant person and that they perform their job well. But I don't know what I did wrong, that made her have a bad impression on me, or that she doesn't really like me. I might be over sensitive, but most of the time, when it comes to stuffs like this, I will be correct. She said she deal with the situation, not against the person. But she is doing the opposite things in front of me. She said she only wants result and does not want to know how I get it done. But if that's the case, how can I ask her for details? How can I know what she wants and how she wants it done? Isn't it a bit too ironic? I guess another pro faker will see the amateur faker out. To me, yes you can be as fake as you want to be, but please do it professionally and do not let others to figure you out. Isn't it humiliating when people crack your mask in front of others and let people see who the real you are?
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
On the other hand, I thought that something that happened last week caused me to give quite a loud expression today in the public. Analyzing it over, I thought that the expression was inappropriate in the public. Maybe my words were quite loud or that my hand gestures were big, but the info that was given to me was not suited for my behavior. Clearly, the 2 people that were involved in the situation have little connection to me, but it was most probably due to the image and perception that I had on one of the subject was crushed from what I heard. I've always perceived 'Never judge a book by it's cover' as half true; But this time it proved me wrong again. But then, it's never my right to be judgmental about people that I barely know. The issue now is that I think my actions were a bit over; And that it will not be the same again the next time the same situation occur.
A quote last but not least, let's ponder. 'Honorable man are all built the same. Do you know when to walk away? Do you know when not to take less than you deserve? If you do, then you are an honorable man.'
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Drought is over,
Spring is taking Rain and lots of Seeds with it,
To sow, and to flourish into beautiful Sakuras in the Summer,
Bringing scenic view of petals dropping,
To replace the Winter that prolonged the Wake;
New lives are emerging from the ground,
Hopes afloat replenishing what is lost,
A new Utopia is reborn from the white ashes,
Just as the Phoenix arises from it's own ashes;
I am Me, I am not myself,
I spread my Wings, and with it I see the new World,
In this Garden of Heaven that belongs to Me,
In the everlasting Rays of Summer that shines ever so brightly;
The Key for this Garden of Heaven lies in among the illusions outside,
Past Trespassers will be forbidden forever,
Only the Rightful One will have the AllSeeing eye,
Past the Thorns and Beasts to the Pond in the middle of the Garden.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
To be with a companion for long does not mean that you will know the other person inside out. People change as time goes, and you'll realize that the person you once knew is not the one you know now. Sometimes, it's the complete opposite. We often have this thought once we stay long enough, the person's inside out is known to us. And the database is going to be forever imprinted in the brain, and updating is out of the question. What we should realize is that changing is due to times of compromising, and the ever changing environment. So, what if suddenly we find the other person has changed a lot and we only took realization when it's often too late?
We're going to tell ourselves that the person is no more the same and that love was with the old person instead of the new one. Separation is for sure in the end. Once a while, why not sit back and ponder, whether it is we that have changed or them? And take a new stand to understand the other person again? A tedious task nonetheless, but renew the commitment that would have otherwise gone stale. Small gestures took a long way to be realized, and it is these small gestures that will make us fall all over in love again with the same person. Physical and emotional appearance might change, but it is the whole of them that you once fall in love with, not the superficials...
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
What prompt me to do it,
But I did it in the end;
I know I'm supposed to have let go,
I know I'm simply too foolish to do what I've done,
But I've done it anyway;
I'm supposed to be this strong person,
I'm supposed to have done other things to soothe me,
But I've done it anyway;
I've tried to sleep,
I ate,I drank and I did a thousand things,
But I still did it in the end;
I thought to myself 'NO!',
I've tried restraining myself,
But I still did it in the end;
Now, this is really going to be the last time,
The last time I'm doing this,
There's not going to be any next time;
There must be a period in this,
No more comma or continuation,
The curtain has been drawn,
The actors have gone home,
What more story can be told?
-September 17, 2007
That I woke up from,
Staring into the dark space that surrounds,
I struggle to recall,
What has become a distant memory,
What is of us now?
Where are we down the road?
What about the future that we often joked?
All is but fallen crumbs from the memories that we shared;
Everything that you have given me is surrounding me,
Constantly providing memories of the moment tied upon,
Shall I cast them away? Or shall I return them?
Both are neither a solution;
Reconcilement was never on my mind,
nor that it will ever cross my mind again,
Our story has come to an end,
period was the last thing written in the book;
I've woken up from the sweet dreams that you've given me,
And ready to face the reality as always,
It's time to move on,
We will and definitely are going to be better persons in the future.
-September 14, 2007
At first sight marks one's destiny
Once the voyage comes to an end
Return lies within hasty key"
Quoted from Secret.
We dream about the world that we want to be in, the Utopia where everything is according to our will. From the moment we know about words, things that surround us or the people that we live by, we would start to imagine the perfect imaginary world, the perfect imaginary friends and the perfect imaginary life with the partner that we want them to be. Humans are natural daydreamers. But the harshness of reality often slaps us back to the cold hard surface of the world, keeping us rooted to the ground and to be practical, realistic. We often tend to dream too much of the perfect world, making us truly believe that the imaginary Utopia would exist not just in our own mind, but also in our reality, tending to us supplying the long lasting warmth in the midst of the cold fog that blurs our mind. When the warmth that tends no longer supplies, a person with an empty shell emerges from the dark. Movies, love story and songs often keep us reminiscing, occasionally supplies the warmth that was once lost. But as the long cold darkness hardens the empty shell, occasional warmth no longer provides and dimmed away in the hopes to being able to bring back the collections. When will we be able to revive back the soft tenderness from the buried underground? Perhaps, when we are really able to, the time would be long gone, leaving us with the empty shell that dwell so long that the former is unable to penetrate into the abyss anymore. What are we then? A empty shell of collections that emotionless?
-August 22, 2007
Even simple sentences of daily matters,
That you convey to me,
Would lift me up,
But it's missing from your lips,
Even words of simple care,
Everything that you utter seems forced out from you,
A dialogue is the living part in the bond between two person,
A monologue is not what I want it to be,
This is not what it used to be,
Changes are expected, but only for the better,
Why isn't there any confession of sin? Or even a simple explanation?
Though not expected from you, but suffice for me,
Relationship is the effort of both hands,
Reality shows one hand struggling to make the other clap,
The Door of Trust is thought to have opened for me,
Reality slaps me awake, projecting the Door shutting down,
Wonder whether had I done wrong,
Weary, the lonely soul will back away if this is the continuity,
I'll never grieve, this is not me, I'll be myself and cold.
-August 20, 2007
The butterfly that represent my heart,
Across the horizon to the other part of the world,
To the person that holds dear,
Stay there and be replenished,
Spread your wings and show you everlasting beauty,
Channeled by the love that showered you with,
Time will not fade you away,
Distance will not wither you off,
Your journey will be fueled by the yearning and longing for the dearest,
Let the bright sunlight bathe your body,
The serene moonlight shines the path,
And the stars accompany you and guide your way,
As you wade your way through each day's river of hardship,
To present my love and care,
And rejoice in dearest presence.
-July 24, 2007
And I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me
Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it’s never really over
And I don’t know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won’t worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time
Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It’s never really over, no
Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months and I still am
Three months and it’s still harder now
Three months I’ve been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months
Three months and I’m still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up
Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
Ever heard a song that made you cry the first time you hear it? To me, this is the song. I wouldn't be timid and not admit that I don't cry. Everyone will cry. I thought I would be able to hold up whatever feeling I have inside and keep them quietly. But it seems that it's really hard for someone to be able to fully control their own feelings. Especially lately, the longer the time goes without someone that you love by your side, the harder it is to stop the feeling of missing someone. When you desire for the person's return to your side, you longed for the warmth, and you wished for the presence of that someone, but somehow, reality seems to push you back from paradise and letting you to suffer the mortal pain of the heart. It's hurts deeply...for I have woken up
-June 08, 2007
-April 15, 2007
-April 08, 2007
-March 25, 2007
-January 10, 2007
-December 18, 2006
-November 14, 2006
-November 02, 2006
-October 16, 2006
-September 15, 2006
-August 29, 2006
-August 22, 2006
-August 15, 2006
-August 01, 2006
- July 14, 2006
haihz.lately so damn bad.i was having one of my worst mood swings ever.one minute i feel so worthless, the other i feel like just kissing sum1...any1.1 whole week man, i was goin crazy juz cuz of it.i wanted so much to pin it out in d blog, but couldn't juz find the words...and just stare at the com blankly...like some asshole wif nth to do.so many critisism i receive this week.haihz.my haircut too short till it make me look like sohai, me being so dark d, y i alwiz ponteng for no reason and the list go on...and just now clubbing at thai, ppl laugh at my shuffle.like i'm a kiddie.n ppl go and say my fren's shuffle is nice.lolz.wateva lar.i know my shuffle like shit.compared to my frens, me is d weakest in shuffle d.and d one wif the worst look.haha.my confidence has gone bottom low.d homework n the assignment at sch.looking at them makes me wanna vomit.pilling like some little hill d.procastinating,delaying,denying..tat's wat i'm doin all over this week.i'm trying to run away from everything all this week.dun wanna try and face it.but i know tat running away is the coward's way to dealing wif things.i will havta face it sooner o later.it's now o never.my double personality is alwiz contradicting themselves inside of me.whenever my mood is down,juz feel like eating alot of things.one of them being ice cream and dark choc.haihz...dun wanna think so much d.go and sleep,then go and face a new day tml.and indulge in my work and acohol summore(if possible).pls...either some1 come and hugz me to sleep...o sum1 just come and kill me off..
my brain is spinning too fast,
till its out of control and making me mad,
i cant control myself,
pls someone come and tell me wat to do,
save me from this chain of misery,
and be my angel of destiny.
- July 07, 2006
- June 25, 2006
- June 12, 2006
- June 08, 2006
- It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride !
- Love is... when you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You"
- Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?
- Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?
- sometimes the best and the most beautiful things in the world cannt be seen,cannot be touched but can be felt in the heart
sum1 once told me tat....when u love sum1...it needs no reason...well..if there's a reason to love..tat's not love anymore...in a scene from One Tree Hill Season 3 ep 13'The Wind That Blew My Heart Away', Lucas was telling Brooke how he love her...after she asked y he chose her over Peyton...in the midle of a thunderstorm...and Lucas would tell her that if she need any more reasons....he can go all nite...in the middle of the thunderstorm.think of tat....wow
- June 04, 2006
This would b my latest shopping list....no money!!!wuu wuu..lucky found a job back....working after class at SUB sg wang back...at least got some extra money to support my shopping spree...lolz
1.1 long sleeve military men shirt
2.A few long sleeve men shirt,plain colour(white/beige)
3.A long sleeve men shirt which i saw at quicksilver...
4.A few plain coloured singlets(white/grey/pale blue)
5.A few singlets with vertical/horizontal stripes singlets
6.A few mini ties(black/grey)
7.1/2 pairs of sneakers
9.1/2 pairs of jeans
10.1/2 pair of pants(cargo pants)
Any1 that can support me with the money to buy these things?lolz..
- May 28, 2006
- May 26, 2006
As I longed to see the beautiful face of yours,
And my heart is aching badly from missing you everyday,
Your guardian angel came to me and sit awhile with me,
Whispering sweet ittle words of you into my ears,
Easing the pain that is chained to me forever,
As i have alwiz missed and loved you forever.
Forgive me if I have not said enough 'I Love You',
Cuz the greatness of my love for you be expressed by neither words or actions,
And that I'm so afraid that I would,
Lose you forever if I ever said it too much.
Shall I ever lose your hands from mine,
I will do anything to find it and guide it back into my arms,
Warming it in times of cold and rough,
Cuz losing your hands from mine means losing your love,
And losing your love is losing the purpose of my life.
It requires a great courage to fall in love with you,
Cuz you are too perfect and beautiful in my eyes,
And that I was afraid,
That I would lose you after loving you,
That I would wake up from the dreams I had about you and me,
That my love for you would fade,
But the love and hope that I had for you,
Was far greater than the courage or anything else in this world that would come in between,
That has made me so in love with you.
If I could not be the one who hold ur arms,
I would be your guardian angel,
Protecting you and guiding you always,
I would be your picture frame in your room or ur diary,
Holding your most treasure memories,
I would be your favourite pet,
Accompanying you alwiz and protecting you in times of danger,
I would ask God to turn me into things that you treasure most,
So I can be by your side,
Watching over you, guarding you, and protecting you forever.
May 24, 2006
- May 23, 2006
- May 03, 2006
- April 30, 2006
- June 28, 2005
- June 21, 2005
- June 13, 2005