Monday, December 31, 2007

Never Gonna Leave Your Side - Daniel Beddingfield

The rain drops turn into snow,
And the snow, into nothingness,
Leaving the place I stand in,
A piece of dry barren land.

I rose up and try to leave the barren land,
Eager to grasp the snow and rain drops,
A set of chains appear,
Pulling my feet back on ground.

Steadfast on the piece of barren land,
Trying desperately to break free of the chains first,
And stop to ponder next,
Of what is and what not.

The wingless and bland me,
Trying to reach and grasp the piece of heaven that don't fit in.

The Ice Dance( Edward Scissorhands Sountrack) - Danny Elfman

New year, new resolution, and a new you & me. Time for resolutions to be made and accomplished or broken. Time to analyze and correct oneself for a better person in the coming years.

1.** ***** **
2.** **** **** *** ****** *********
3.To get back the old results
4.To get a least 1 truly deserved holiday for myself
5.To save up and prepare for unexpected circumstances
6.To turn in early and rise up early
7.To read more books
8.To finally graduate
9.To secure a job after I graduate
10.To be a better person

Friday, December 21, 2007

Ordinary Day- Nick Lachey

I realize that I sometimes help friends to the extend that I couldn't believe it. It's sometimes helping them to the point of almost humiliating myself in front of strangers or maybe I've already humiliated myself, I don't know. Sometimes, I put other people first before me, often neglecting myself and end up having to swallow my dissatisfaction silently. Things had happened in the past that prompt me to do what I do today. People would say 'Let it go', but it's not that easy to let go as just saying it. I suppose the incident will be a trauma that will leave a mark in my life to teach me a great lesson on humility and trust. It is the helping hands that I have offered all this while that made me know so many wonderful people. But still, this is the act that has made people misunderstand too. My intention was being mistaken as an act of getting to fame. Haha. Well,

If I want to be glamorous, I wouldn't be where I am now.
If I want to be glamorous, I wouldn't be wearing what I'm wearing now.
If I want to be glamorous, I wouldn't be studying what I'm studying now.
If I want to be glamorous, I wouldn't be using the gadgets I'm using now.
If I want to be glamorous, I wouldn't be staying where I am staying now.

Ah well, I would still like to be grateful for the constructive comments given. Without them, I would not be able to reanalyze myself in a different way. I would think this is the correct way all the while. I have learned to be grateful and appreciate everything that comes my way as even behind the harshest thing is a piece of advice intended to change my way. So, thank you.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

另一个自己- 胡彦斌

I have got to stop all these.
Got to stop pretending everything is fine.
Got to stop being like this and hurt myself.
Got to stop from falling in too deep.
Got to stop thinking like the other person really cares.
Got to stop thinking this is real when I'm only imagining things.
Got to stop and get on with my life.
Got to wake up from my dream.
Got to see what's real and important and what's not.
Got to be brave and ask for the truth.
Got to know to answer to the questions.
How do I stop when I'm already entangled in the web?
How do I stop when I let myself fall too deep?
How do I stop when I keep letting myself think of the absurd?
How do I stop when I keep on hoping?
How do I stop when you are like that?
All I ask,
Is there a future?
Is there gonna be US? Or
Is is going to be Me instead?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Saturday, November 24, 2007

当你离开的时候 - 蔡健雅

What you said made me wonder; Did I do too much? Did I bother you too much? How did a little more care turn into a feeling of annoyance? Am I that irritating? Am I that not worthy? If I am that bad, tell me straight in the face. Don't beat around the bush, playing hide and seek or playing hard to get when you don't have the slightest feeling. I am a man of ego, I will surely back off if you told me so. I don't hang around,begging people to do something. That is not me. Nor do I force people. Well, maybe I am not that worthy to be even your friend. And for that, I will keep shut till you come to me.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


I felt like I don't deserve to be with you. Maybe it's because of my ever low self esteem and the insecurity of myself being around someone for too long. I felt like I can lose myself anytime and become someone else that is not me at all. I know that no one is ever perfect but then it's just hard for me to over this sense of feeling that has been with me since so long ago. My ego does not want me to open up to u. A lot of things that I've said might not be true and it's just the way I try to cover up what I really wanted to say. Behind the jokes are the words of truth. What is true inside is waiting for you to come and discover it. I've always been here, waiting. If only the ego in both of us could be stripped away, we would have been the people that express true things. Now, let's play the waiting game. Waiting for one of the ego to lower itself down and reveal the true person inside.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Taking Chances - Celine Dion

Some people are so full of themselves that they do not realize that the world does not revolve around them. They should understand that having a few connections here and there does not bring them around anywhere. They should also know that having a few years of experience does not necessary makes them a more matured person. They should also get to understand that having heard experiences from friends or people that they know will make them know the world more. Being over confident sometimes will bring disgust to others. Sometimes, with the few possessions that they have, it makes them think that they have achieved what a lot others have not. That may be true, but that does not give them the right to be too proud of themselves. Being humble and true to yourselves can bring a further road down. Don't be someone who is just an empty shell that is overly confident on the outside but empty in the inside and depended on others for experience or knowledge. We should constantly remind ourselves that there's always a mountain that is higher than us. Humility and bowing to the wind will prevent the grass from being taken away. Pride and boastful will cause the overly confident tree to be taken down by the storm.

Tattoo - Jordin Sparks

Appreciation. So easy to say it out, and yet so hard to show it and prove it. People constantly were asked to appreciate what they have before the lose what they have and start regretting. In reply, they would say they are appreciating what they have now, but when asked on how do they show their appreciation, most are dumbfounded. People just see what is in front of them and don't really think much ahead. What if one day you just lose everything that you have? What if the person that love you the most suddenly leave you just like that?

We often take things for granted, not realizing that the things that are given to us are all blessings to us for the hardship that we endured. It's not easy to obtain some things in our life, not easy to keep it and appreciate them either. Often, we forget the see the importance of the things that are in front of us. Instead, we tend to overuse, abuse our right and keep on repeating the same mistakes over and over, causing us to lose these items that plays an important part in our life. Dealing with a sudden loss is hard to cope, often leading to regret.

We are proud to think that the things we own will never leave us. We are confident that these things will remain by our side forever. We are greedy to think that what we have now is never enough and wanting more apart from keeping what we have now. Small gestures to appreciate will go a long way into memories. These small gestures will give a greater impact compared to money and time spent. These, are the token of appreciation, so meaningful and powerful that it will be carved into the hearts of people and memories to withstand the tests that come along. So powerful that it can make a person's day. Just a few sentences that come out from the heart, little actions that go unnoticed, or a simple gift with time and the heart that is put into it. How many of you have done these things?

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Undignified - Sugababes

When there is people, there is always politics involved. This is something that I totally agree upon. The current working place that I am in is no different. It's a rapidly expanding company, the company is actively recruiting employees and training the existing ones. As a sales and marketing company, meetings and products briefing are often held, often dragging till late afternoon and often affect the progress of current tasks in hand. Among the upper management level, there is a slight politics issues that is happening. This indirectly affected the front liners and thus, the performance of the company itself. But as a fresh industrial trainee, I do not want to be involved in any of it, and just stand in the middle of all. It's up to the people in the management level to do the killing among themselves.

I guess that every working environment will sure to have that kind of person. This kind of person is such a faker. The person is good in polishing up other colleague's shoes and also the superiors till they see the person as a pleasant person and that they perform their job well. But I don't know what I did wrong, that made her have a bad impression on me, or that she doesn't really like me. I might be over sensitive, but most of the time, when it comes to stuffs like this, I will be correct. She said she deal with the situation, not against the person. But she is doing the opposite things in front of me. She said she only wants result and does not want to know how I get it done. But if that's the case, how can I ask her for details? How can I know what she wants and how she wants it done? Isn't it a bit too ironic? I guess another pro faker will see the amateur faker out. To me, yes you can be as fake as you want to be, but please do it professionally and do not let others to figure you out. Isn't it humiliating when people crack your mask in front of others and let people see who the real you are?

Saturday, October 27, 2007


I think I've got to explain somethings clear about the way I write my blog. It seems to have caused some confusions among the readers. But then,how many readers that I have to boast. Haha. Anyway, the title stated most of the posts nowadays are about songs. These songs are songs that to me, are nice to hear and kinda affect my emotion at the time. But the content of the posts are different from the title. The title of the posts does not have to reflect the content of the posts. And I rarely will post up lyrics on songs. So, please my readers, continue to read my blog even though the title are stated as song titles.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Mended By You- Sugababes

Sometimes, I think too much to the point that I'm getting paranoid over things. Being a sensitive person, a small matter would be thought seriously by me or in several times in different angles. I always wants to consider the matter in different perceptions before making the decision or giving the advice. I want to avoid being regretful in the end, or being bitter of doing the wrong things before giving it a careful thought. I always want to give my best in doing things in my life. 'If you're not the best, be the best that you can', this has been my motto all along. But this is also what cause me to set an overly high goal most of the time without realizing my own ability. Or that I know my own ability, yet I want to set the level of the goal to challenge it and end up being disappointed myself. Every time I get a new job and a new environment, I would get all stressed out and paranoid. I expect myself to able to deliver what they require within a short period of time, forcing myself to learn as much things as possible. The paranoia within me would cause me to fumble in the end, sometimes causing mishaps to myself. Maybe this is caused by workload and expectation that is given to me from the past few jobs as a senior in those jobs. Or maybe it's just me who ponder too much on immaterial stuffs. In the end, this is Me. This is who I am. You can ask me not to think too much; but if I didn't, I wouldn't have been sensitive enough to sense what is wrong with the people I care, the environment that I live in and the small little changes that other people wouldn't notice. This is what has enabled me to live around and deal with difficult peoples in my life. This is what made me who I am today and who I will be tomorrow.

On the other hand, I thought that something that happened last week caused me to give quite a loud expression today in the public. Analyzing it over, I thought that the expression was inappropriate in the public. Maybe my words were quite loud or that my hand gestures were big, but the info that was given to me was not suited for my behavior. Clearly, the 2 people that were involved in the situation have little connection to me, but it was most probably due to the image and perception that I had on one of the subject was crushed from what I heard. I've always perceived 'Never judge a book by it's cover' as half true; But this time it proved me wrong again. But then, it's never my right to be judgmental about people that I barely know. The issue now is that I think my actions were a bit over; And that it will not be the same again the next time the same situation occur.

A quote last but not least, let's ponder. 'Honorable man are all built the same. Do you know when to walk away? Do you know when not to take less than you deserve? If you do, then you are an honorable man.'

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Birthday time

Present that we bought.
The present itself. Cost a bomb.
Happy birthday Kelvin!!! Had fun or not?hehe.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Change- Sugababes

The Drought is over,
Spring is taking Rain and lots of Seeds with it,
To sow, and to flourish into beautiful Sakuras in the Summer,
Bringing scenic view of petals dropping,

To replace the Winter that prolonged the Wake;
New lives are emerging from the ground,
Hopes afloat replenishing what is lost,
A new Utopia is reborn from the white ashes,
Just as the Phoenix arises from it's own ashes;

I am Me, I am not myself,
I spread my Wings, and with it I see the new World,
In this Garden of Heaven that belongs to Me,
In the everlasting Rays of Summer that shines ever so brightly;

The Key for this Garden of Heaven lies in among the illusions outside,
Past Trespassers will be forbidden forever,
Only the Rightful One will have the AllSeeing eye,
Past the Thorns and Beasts to the Pond in the middle of the Garden.

In The Dark - Dj Tiesto

I've learned that a lot of times, when people around you are telling you about their problems and dilemma, we would try and understand their problems and their situation as well. We, as good friends, would put ourselves in their shoes and imagine how we are going to face the problem when we are in the same situation. What results from this is suggestions and best advices in dealing with the problems. And most of the time, we would expect the friends to heed the advice and act according to what we, as their good friends, have suggested. But, we should also understand that, it might only be our suggestions based on our understanding of the situation, and that we're not in the real situation itself. How much can we understand just by listening to what is being told? We can say what we can, advice all we can, order them all our might, but, in the end, the decision is still in their hand. They are the one that truly understand the matter and the feelings in their heart. We, in the end, are only bystanders, and even if we have gone through the same problems, we might have dealt with the situation differently with other circumstances that were occurring during that time. We might not know whether the same method will work twice, or on a different person's situation with different circumstances that comes into consideration. But, the one thing that we, as the good friends is able to do other than giving advices and solutions, is being there for them when they need it the most. This, after all, gives much more comfort to them. I, for one, like what was once written in my display tag: I'll be everyone's confidante, and none will be mine.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


Industrial training starts next week. Final year projects starts in 3 months more. Then it will be my graduation before long. Everything will come and go before I even know it. It's going to be a hectic year ahead. What is past is past. Someone keep on reminding this to me recently. The most important thing is to look in front. Preparation for the future is in the way. And I hope this time, it's going to bring the sakura petals with the summer breeze. To me, everything is still in a mess even though the road taken is quite clear. Cause it's still not as orderly as I want it to be. Though I understand that, not everything is within our grasp. Try as I might, but it's still going to be a lot for me to learn still. Sometimes I just hope that I can pack everything into my mind as fast as possible so that I can learn more, but even the fastest computer in the world has a limit to it. Seems like I'll just have to bear with the limit or should I say the disabilities in me and just deal with whatever that comes in the way. Shouldn't ponder too much into the future or dwell too much in the past. Worrying should be done when the time require me to do so and regrets are things that should be kept behind and in a box thrown far away. Time is of the essence and the present is enough trouble as it is.
To be with a companion for long does not mean that you will know the other person inside out. People change as time goes, and you'll realize that the person you once knew is not the one you know now. Sometimes, it's the complete opposite. We often have this thought once we stay long enough, the person's inside out is known to us. And the database is going to be forever imprinted in the brain, and updating is out of the question. What we should realize is that changing is due to times of compromising, and the ever changing environment. So, what if suddenly we find the other person has changed a lot and we only took realization when it's often too late?
We're going to tell ourselves that the person is no more the same and that love was with the old person instead of the new one. Separation is for sure in the end. Once a while, why not sit back and ponder, whether it is we that have changed or them? And take a new stand to understand the other person again? A tedious task nonetheless, but renew the commitment that would have otherwise gone stale. Small gestures took a long way to be realized, and it is these small gestures that will make us fall all over in love again with the same person. Physical and emotional appearance might change, but it is the whole of them that you once fall in love with, not the superficials...

Saturday, October 06, 2007

inconsolable - Backstreet Boys

Sometimes, even when you have the confidence and the knowledge in something, it doesn't guaranty that you will succeed in that field. Circumstances comes into matter and the other party has to be taken into consideration as well. What if what you have done or try to express does not reach to the other party? Or that the stuffs that you said or did is not in accordance to the questions or goal targeted? And when the results came out, it just give you a jolt in the senses and rearrangements have to be done in order to succeed in the same thing that you have attempted more than once. Repetition is underway, sickening it is, but still need to do done. But then, sometimes no matter how much you've tried to repeat and put the whole damn thing into your head, it still don't matter cause when you attempt the same thing again, it turns out that the whole process has no significance or whatsoever. Which is pretty disappointing seeing that we took out the time, money and strength to go through it all again only to find out that it is bullshit all along. Maybe you would say that, try again next time. Again and again until you've succeeded in conquering the thing all together. But what if there is no next time to it? What if what you do now, is not a total failure nor a total success? Feeling like being stuck in the middle of nowhere in this matter is not good. I feel like I've failed in it, although it's not counted as failing at all. I just thought that if I didn't succeed in the first place, it means that I've failed. And I don't like the feeling of failing and having to go through the same damn thing all over again. Anyhow, I've got to realize that what is past is past. There's no use dwelling in it when we've tried our best in doing what we can. What I can do now is to forget it and go on with my things. Bright days ahead with plenty of sunshine for the growth of flowers. Flowers of success.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

谁都想感到被爱 - 曾国辉

I didn't what went through my mind,
What prompt me to do it,
But I did it in the end;

I know I'm supposed to have let go,
I know I'm simply too foolish to do what I've done,
But I've done it anyway;

I'm supposed to be this strong person,
I'm supposed to have done other things to soothe me,
But I've done it anyway;

I've tried to sleep,
I ate,I drank and I did a thousand things,
But I still did it in the end;

I thought to myself 'NO!',
I've tried restraining myself,
But I still did it in the end;

Now, this is really going to be the last time,
The last time I'm doing this,
There's not going to be any next time;

There must be a period in this,
No more comma or continuation,
The curtain has been drawn,
The actors have gone home,
What more story can be told?
-September 17, 2007

3nD oF m3

A beautiful vivid dream of you,
That I woke up from,
Staring into the dark space that surrounds,
I struggle to recall,
What has become a distant memory,
What is of us now?
Where are we down the road?
What about the future that we often joked?
All is but fallen crumbs from the memories that we shared;
Everything that you have given me is surrounding me,
Constantly providing memories of the moment tied upon,
Shall I cast them away? Or shall I return them?
Both are neither a solution;
Reconcilement was never on my mind,
nor that it will ever cross my mind again,
Our story has come to an end,
period was the last thing written in the book;
I've woken up from the sweet dreams that you've given me,
And ready to face the reality as always,
It's time to move on,
We will and definitely are going to be better persons in the future.
-September 14, 2007


"Follow the notes upon a journey

At first sight marks one's destiny

Once the voyage comes to an end

Return lies within hasty key"

Quoted from Secret.

We dream about the world that we want to be in, the Utopia where everything is according to our will. From the moment we know about words, things that surround us or the people that we live by, we would start to imagine the perfect imaginary world, the perfect imaginary friends and the perfect imaginary life with the partner that we want them to be. Humans are natural daydreamers. But the harshness of reality often slaps us back to the cold hard surface of the world, keeping us rooted to the ground and to be practical, realistic. We often tend to dream too much of the perfect world, making us truly believe that the imaginary Utopia would exist not just in our own mind, but also in our reality, tending to us supplying the long lasting warmth in the midst of the cold fog that blurs our mind. When the warmth that tends no longer supplies, a person with an empty shell emerges from the dark. Movies, love story and songs often keep us reminiscing, occasionally supplies the warmth that was once lost. But as the long cold darkness hardens the empty shell, occasional warmth no longer provides and dimmed away in the hopes to being able to bring back the collections. When will we be able to revive back the soft tenderness from the buried underground? Perhaps, when we are really able to, the time would be long gone, leaving us with the empty shell that dwell so long that the former is unable to penetrate into the abyss anymore. What are we then? A empty shell of collections that emotionless?
-August 22, 2007


The words that I long from you,
Even simple sentences of daily matters,
That you convey to me,
Would lift me up,
But it's missing from your lips,
Even words of simple care,
Everything that you utter seems forced out from you,
A dialogue is the living part in the bond between two person,
A monologue is not what I want it to be,
This is not what it used to be,
Changes are expected, but only for the better,
Why isn't there any confession of sin? Or even a simple explanation?
Though not expected from you, but suffice for me,
Relationship is the effort of both hands,
Reality shows one hand struggling to make the other clap,
The Door of Trust is thought to have opened for me,
Reality slaps me awake, projecting the Door shutting down,
Wonder whether had I done wrong,
Weary, the lonely soul will back away if this is the continuity,
I'll never grieve, this is not me, I'll be myself and cold.
-August 20, 2007


Fly, fly, fly up into the stary stary night,
The butterfly that represent my heart,
Across the horizon to the other part of the world,
To the person that holds dear,
Stay there and be replenished,
Spread your wings and show you everlasting beauty,
Channeled by the love that showered you with,
Time will not fade you away,
Distance will not wither you off,
Your journey will be fueled by the yearning and longing for the dearest,
Let the bright sunlight bathe your body,
The serene moonlight shines the path,
And the stars accompany you and guide your way,
As you wade your way through each day's river of hardship,
To present my love and care,
And rejoice in dearest presence.
-July 24, 2007

Am I still sober?

Sober by Kelly Clarkson

And I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing’s real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it’s never really over

And I don’t know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won’t worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It’s never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it’s still harder now
Three months I’ve been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I’m still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

Ever heard a song that made you cry the first time you hear it? To me, this is the song. I wouldn't be timid and not admit that I don't cry. Everyone will cry. I thought I would be able to hold up whatever feeling I have inside and keep them quietly. But it seems that it's really hard for someone to be able to fully control their own feelings. Especially lately, the longer the time goes without someone that you love by your side, the harder it is to stop the feeling of missing someone. When you desire for the person's return to your side, you longed for the warmth, and you wished for the presence of that someone, but somehow, reality seems to push you back from paradise and letting you to suffer the mortal pain of the heart. It's hurts deeply...for I have woken up
-June 08, 2007

hOw iT cAm3 dOwN wItH tHiS

Wishes came from: Guat Im, Gaik Hi, Shirlyn, Mellisa(Bitch!!!), Kok Jian, Yu Zi, Aruna, Terry, Sister, Sai Weng, Yik Wei, Godmum, Michelle Peris, Wan Chii, Pey Yie, Hui Ping, Novanne, Eric Tam, Nay Wah, Shan Qi, Azura, Cheng Foh, Pooi San, Seong Heng, Jason Robert, Teddy, Yeannie Yeap, Vincent, Victor, Siew Boon. Thanks to all who wishes me. All the best to you in your future undertakings. I'm still waiting for your presents. Hehe. Pre-celebration was in Zouk with Jason and the gangs while post celebration was with Eric and the gang. Pre-celebration was the best, though the gang was unknown to me. On the other hand, Post celebration was a mess. First of all, I was the one to book the place, and I was the one who were being ditched in the last minute, with me ended up in panic as to find people to fill up the places. Some guys are real bitches who dares to actually ditch people without informing them. I wonder whether they have any guts or that they're real chickens that just go cuckooing around. Please people, don't come and tell me that you've confirmed that you're going and in the end, canceling the thing, leaving me in utter confusion and disappointment. I thought that friends who are close to me know that I really hate being ditched and that I would definitely launch into rampage mode. Just say that you cant confirm it from the start and that would make things easier for you and me. Please guys, do remember that I hate being ditched in the last min, and i hate being asked where I am and the next minute, no reply or whatsoever. Real chickens and fakes. Such fates landed just on the 2nd day of my new year.
-April 15, 2007

b3cAuS3 yOu lIv3

It finally comes down to week 14 of another semester of uni life. And another big chapter of my life is closing it's curtain. 21 years of existence and yet nothing big achieved. Unlike last year where the celebration involves around 20+ people, this year's celebration is going to be a quiet one. Probably because most of them would forget it anyway.hehe. Or that they would be back in hometown even before the date is here, and taking their own sweet time to enjoy the study week. Or that the others would be busy having their finals. (Not saying anything guys and girls).hehe. But somehow, a quiet one would feel much better this time, if it's to be compared to a big party. The missing part would the presence of some people are to be missed. It's unavoidable somehow, as this is part of the deal and that it's part of the circumstances. Presents are already being confirmed by some people,hehe. And I kind of like them, as they're my fav things. The emotional weather this few days were not really encouraging. Storms came and past, and is predicted ahead also. Hm, having emo is bad. I hate it. And yet, I'm always having it. Hm, another chapter will ended 'alone' again, I guess...
-April 08, 2007

Fumed With Anger

As the title said, the opening blog for 2007 is filled with anger towards one person. And people who always talk to me would definitely know who deserved to be dissed by me to the point that he's almost worthless. It's really beyond my mind, how someone could be so freaking blur when you've given him hints that he should stop what he's doing, or that you finally spoke it out in front on him to stop the activities he's been doing. But still, he doesn't really get it. weird!!! You can actually guess I have a hell lot of patience by sticking up to this behaviour for 2 weeks plus before finally telling him straight in the face, asking him to either stop what he has been doing, or minimize the frequency. And being a straight forward person, I've tried to make it as subtle as possible that it's really really annoying to me. But somehow, I guess sometimes it's inevitable that humans are born with little or no mind at all, unable to interpret the message I'm trying to convey. Stopping for a few days was all that he can manage to come up with. In the end, the activity continues back. Other bad things such as hygiene or habits shall not be discussed here as it's might be too long to finish. Plus, looking at the same person for more than 1 year everyday is enough to make me puke. I'm really afraid that one day I'll really puke in front of him.hehe. The final straw to this solution will be taken soon: to move out and find a place of my own.
-March 25, 2007

tH3 wAiTiNg gAm3

As the title proposed, I've fallen into a waiting game, a game that tests my patience and my loyalty to the max. Waiting for someone to return from a place faraway, but the end result is not to be beside me; just to shorten the distance between us. Sometimes, the feeling of missing the person is too much to bear, and when you want them to be by your side, you realized that the both of you are separated by oceans apart. Maintaining the relationship is another matter, time difference, distance and the absence of the person makes it hard having to compromise each other. However, the feeling of knowing that there is someone out there in the world who cares bout you, and constantly think of your well being is enough to make up to all the circumstances that comes in between. The satisfaction of just being able to talk to and see that person through online chat is sufficient to dismissed the hardship of staying up at odd hours and not having enough sleep. Through separation, one learns to appreciate and love the other person more. The saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is exceptionally true to me as I learn to manage my time while being able to commit myself in this relationship. One advice, long distance is not the thing for the faint hearted. You'll realized that you can almost go nuts just by thinking and missing that person.
-January 10, 2007

tH3 3nD oF aNoTh3r cHaPt3r

It's December again. Another year is coming to an end and another year is beginning soon. During this time, does it cross your mind of what have you achieved and lost this year? Do you think of what have you gained from the incidents that happened within this year? This has got to be the most exciting and yet meaningful year, for I'm 21 this year, studied and work at the same time, and gain insights to alot of things in life especially in work and people. But it's also a year of disappointment, resentment and vengeance. The world would still be moving, and though I've learnt to move on and let go, sometimes things are hard to let go and it drags you behind. And there I was, standing still in the midst of moving world, looking and grasping for things that I've lost along the way. Things have passed and the burdens are abandoned, easing me of the journey that is laid in front of me in a new year to come. What about your resolution for the new year? Ever thought of achieving them? Sometimes, Loving someone is hard to do. Especially when the person you love the most isn't there by you side. Both parties are so near, and yet so far to each other. And whenever you look at how a couple are all lovey dovey, you wish the same for you too, but you can't because the other party is not there for you. How do you deal with it? Last but not least, 为什么相爱的人不能在一起?
-December 18, 2006

s3aSoN oF sIcKn3sS

I've fallen sick...shoulder ache due to standing on the selling floor everyday with my arms at the back,sore throat which was followed by dry cough and flem followed later. I hate being sick. It's annoying. Coughing when serving customers are not very nice. And my shoulder is killing me. It's been hurting since last week. And I can't seem to make it go away. Work place is another problem. Conflicts here and there with the superiors back stabbing each other when the other is not around. Well, what can you expect? With every work place there will be conflicts and back stabbers around. This can't be avoided. And sometimes I wonder, why do you ask for someone's help when you end up condemning it to the tiny part? Or the fact that you don't like the thing that was done, and ended up changing the whole lot of it or redo it from the scratch? Why bother to even ask for help at the first place? Isn't it better to do it yourself since you're not satisfied with other people's work? Well, maybe what I did was not up to the standard, or the fact that they were just asking for my advice just for the fun of it: to strike a conversation, a teasing point or something. Well, whatever. I don't really care anymore. Whatever they ask me to do, I'll just do my best and don't care the rest of the story. Cause they don't really involve me anymore. On the other hand, sometimes you just wonder whether are you really that close to people around you as you know it? Or are they more close to each other as compared to you with them? When you can't get a little bit of what they are talking about in a chit-chat session, it's still ok. But when you can't get a big part of the conversation, you felt left out. And it's a big big part. What would you do?
-November 14, 2006

m3aSuR3 oF a mAn

Recently,I've been reprimanded by peoples for being stubborn beyond help. So stubborn that it's annoying others. This happened in the work place. For me, I couldn't care less. Most probably is because I'm already doing my best to satisfy all those around me. And standing firm on my ground for once is like doing a favor for myself. I do wonder, how wrong is it to show people that you don't like something to the extend that you hate it? And yet I'm forced to change that attitude,forcing me to pretend and fake that I have nothing against the thing I'm hating so much. This is just like when you're a little kid and your mum forced you to eat that brocoli that you dreaded so much. When you see people around you being in love and going out together in couples and you being alone with them, it makes you get the lovey dovey feeling and wanting to have a love too. But when you see the people around you falling out of love and being sad and lonely, it makes you scared and not wanting to get hurt like them.Protecting yourself, not wanting to let anyone in, rejecting people that tries to come into your life. To you, you're only protecting yourself and being selfish to yourself, but to others, you're hurting them, due to your unwillingness to let out and give the chance, to try and feel the joy. In the end, both parties will get hurt, and you end up regretting for letting that chance slipped away.
-November 02, 2006

nOn-b3lI3v3rS oF lOv3

Lately, I've found my much need privacy and space. Ever since my roomie went back hometown and me working for about 1 month, being alone for this period has left me with alot of solitude and tranquility. Self discovery was in full gear as I took the time to set my priorities and aim right again on what is supposed to be done more, and what is supposed to done less. Ahhh...peace and silence,hehe. It's October, the month of Libra. Let me wish a happy birthday and happy belated birthday to my friends : Annie Ang, Wei Soon, Ning Xin, Steve Ooi, Jess Chin, Vincent Chong, Jason Timothy and others that I've forgotten.hehe. Once love is lost, it's hard to be found back again, unless you found the right one. Or you just hop from one relationship to another,hoping you'll find back the love that you've lost. But what if love was never on your side from the start? Wandering around in the desert,the thirst for love grows deeper and deeper. The sun is scorching hot, and mirage is fooling your sight and perception,leading you away from the right track. You give up in the end, not believing in any oasis that will appear in front of you, as you've locked your heart away, telling yourself that you're not goin to fall for the same thing anymore. But what is the oasis is the correct one you've been searching all this while?
-October 16, 2006

wH3n tH3 mOoN sHiN3s bRiGhTlY oN oTh3rS iNsT3aD oF m3

it's 6 in the morning,and i've just finished talking on skype.The last few months has been amazing.Ups and downs were alot,where i stumbled and fell.People changed, and yet i felt like i'm still standing still,watching people pass me by.Maybe it's just me,i don't know.And i don't care either.Lately, adapting the 'boh chap' attitude has been bringing me some kind of peace in my mind.In a sense, it's taking me further down the road instead of dragging me behind like i used to.Alot of people used to say this,'The world is not fair'.But to me,yes..the world may not be fair to you,but the most important thing is how you turn around the table and make it fair for you.I like one of the lines of the female character in the movie 'My Name is Fame' where she says,'I search for my chances,instead of waiting at home for my chances to come searching for me like you'.Chances and options are always available eevrywhere.It all comes down to the way you deal with it,whether you go out and search for it,or wait forever for them to come looking for you.Ahhh....fate again.And again,it's playing with me and my life.Things will happen anyhow,and it's goin to happen what ever way you try to avoid it.And when the thing does happen in the end,the preparation for the matter is important.The preparation will either leave you in pieces, or standing strong,looking positively into the future.What is cruel to the eye and soul, is good for the journey ahead.
-September 15, 2006

i'M sTiLl oN tH3 oTh3r sId3 oF tH3 rAiNbOw

Fate likes to toy with people.It comes to you when you least expected it, and lingers around for some time.And when you least espected it again,it just left you in darkness,desperately grapping for support.Two person meet each other out of nowhere in this world, and they're fated to undergo tests and trials.But those tests and trials doesn't mean that it will bring them together.It suffers much, when you are so near and yet so far away from each other.It hurts alot,knowing that how much you long for each other and yet you can't be together.Watching some people in pain,makes me wonder,have I done anything to deserve this?Why can't things be smooth sailing all the way?In the end, it's all back to fate.I always believe that fate and destiny arrange the paths of our lifes,it's just which path we choose to walk on, and that we have to take in everything that comes in the way,and not grumble nor blame other things,as this is the road that we have chose to walk on.
-August 29, 2006

tH3 m3 iNsId3 iS cRyInG

I don't know what the f*ck happen today...but suddenly i felt like i want to cry so badly...yeah yeah yeah..i know you guys will say,'wat la,a guy shouldn't cry'...but then, i just felt like it.maybe it's because of what people said some times.being somewhat a little bit different from other people makes you felt like an alien.and i was there like,wtf,is there any wrong of me being like this?how come alot other people can accept and u just can't?and there you are,keep on pretending like u're an a wannabe.what can i say?you're just gaping at the heavens above,strugling but reach it,but you're never gonna achieve the status you've been dreaming of no matter who you mix with, or how you want to change it.please, dun try and be a faker out there,you just make me sick as i'm able to see through ur mask everyday. you thought i was being naive,but you're wrong.i've been pretending all this while that you can't see me're just like a little kid in front of me.i never bothered to tell you the truth although you asked me before, cuz i found out what your reaction will be before that, and boy, how lucky i was to know that beforehand.if not,things would get much worse than it is now.well, don't you worry,cuz i won't explode in front of you,cuz i know it's not worth of me doin that.i know i'm far more superior than you, and that i'm the one who will prevail in the end.
-August 22, 2006

rAiNbOwS iN mY lIf3

wow....its like ages since i last wrote.haha.mebbe cuz i was too bz..goin out and stuff.hmm,let me c.first of all,i stop working and gals,if wanna look for me,i'm not working in SUB at sg wang me sin if wanna look for me instead of goin straight to sg wang..lolz.but me gonna continue working back in oct.juz finish 'tons' of u all.mebbe it's not much.but to's damn alot.cuz i procastinate.well,wat to do.u all know very well tat i'm a procastinator by lazy.hehe.yay!!!i finally went back hometown after 3 months.but the sad thing was.i made my mum angry.lolz.finals coming.omg.getting panic and scared now.lolz.y?cuz i din study at all.and esp my maths.gonna get the lowest marks ever.shit.haha.who ask me to alwiz ponteng like nobody's business?one more thing....i love mokuzi.lolz..mokuzi my u.muax..haha
-August 15, 2006


y yes?and y no?yes is for the freedom i have was the last day at my i'm free from any work though i got my freedom,it's not forever.i finished my work to face the damn bloody finals in juz one month.i have missed so much of class behind my frens.haihz...hope tat i can catch many things in juz one month.esp my stupid freeaking many tutorials to finish up.argh.pls help me.on the other many things happened during this period of a few months.most of it.bad....haihz.doesn't my luck gonna change any sooner?life is so fragile and unfair many things can happen to sum1...and so many little things can happen to another person.the same thing goes for good things and bad's how we make use of the things tat happen in life to our advantage.and learn from them.become our greatest fren instead of treating them like ur worst enemies.
-August 01, 2006


Oops...i juz broke my glasses a few minutes ago.damn...i juz made the new glasses when i got back hometown in may.and now broke d.tml havta send to one of the optometrician and c whether they can repair back,the design is not bad u know.>_< !!!haihz.who ask me to b so geng.the force pressing on the glasses so strong till it broke.sob sob.when sum1 who is important to sum1 important to ur life suddenly gone just like tat, u felt it's juz like sum1 important to u is missing ade also.but i know, she will b able to get on with life again,rite whoever u r?being sum1 as strong as her is great, but having her as ur bestest fren is the greatest thing ever.ppl alwiz the best u can.but then, wat's the best u can that u can do?how do u define the best?like how is the best?striving without fail?o juz plain striving without a goal?talking on the phone juz now,there's a point being said.u spend a big part of ur life sleeping,how u wanna spend the rest of ur life in the awake part?to me,it's bout living it to the fullest as u can.fill it with every moment of hardwork and happiness.but never forget to endure the pain and sadness also.cuz it's those tat shape u to become who u r.lately,i've learned to quiet down and juz watch the surrounding and the ppl in it.though i did this all this, but this is from a diff perspect.seeing things from outside the box is so much diff from seeing from inside the box though the content of the box is still the same.all rite.i wanna go kill myself in my sleep now...kekez.
- July 14, 2006

f33l lIk3 sHiT

haihz.lately so damn bad.i was having one of my worst mood swings minute i feel so worthless, the other i feel like just kissing sum1...any1.1 whole week man, i was goin crazy juz cuz of it.i wanted so much to pin it out in d blog, but couldn't juz find the words...and just stare at the com some asshole wif nth to many critisism i receive this haircut too short till it make me look like sohai, me being so dark d, y i alwiz ponteng for no reason and the list go on...and just now clubbing at thai, ppl laugh at my i'm a kiddie.n ppl go and say my fren's shuffle is nice.lolz.wateva lar.i know my shuffle like shit.compared to my frens, me is d weakest in shuffle d.and d one wif the worst confidence has gone bottom low.d homework n the assignment at sch.looking at them makes me wanna vomit.pilling like some little hill d.procastinating,delaying,denying..tat's wat i'm doin all over this week.i'm trying to run away from everything all this week.dun wanna try and face it.but i know tat running away is the coward's way to dealing wif things.i will havta face it sooner o's now o double personality is alwiz contradicting themselves inside of me.whenever my mood is down,juz feel like eating alot of of them being ice cream and dark choc.haihz...dun wanna think so much d.go and sleep,then go and face a new day tml.and indulge in my work and acohol summore(if possible).pls...either some1 come and hugz me to sleep...o sum1 just come and kill me off..

my brain is spinning too fast,
till its out of control and making me mad,
i cant control myself,
pls someone come and tell me wat to do,
save me from this chain of misery,
and be my angel of destiny.

- July 07, 2006

mOoDy w3aTh3r,mOodY pPl

lately the weather was kinda bad..everyday raining.but its a good thing also.cuz raining days can cuddle cuddle and hugz all those tat hav lovers in their live,this is the chance to do it.lolz.the bad weather also affects the mood on ppls.i was also wuite moody...but then...the bad weather has passed.lolz.bobo once said to me,'understanding ur weakness but not willing to change it is even worse than those tat dunno their own weakness'.yea,i agree tat is true.recently, i can c it in my working place also.alot of those ppl rite,dunno where they were wrong at.and when got the scolding,they think tat they dun deserve fact,they did wrong first.and they dun wan to accept tat they r wrong.and keep admitting tat they were never wrong.and pls ler...just cuz u're a permanent promoter,doesn't mean tat u can flash out ur temper so easily..lolz
- June 25, 2006

dIfF pPl,dIfF r3aCtIoN

lately i've been reprimanded by some close ppl in my life for being a coward in love.thx guys, for telling me and reminding me particular person said wanna kick me when got chance to c me.lolz.another asked me not to b stubborn.yea,i guess i'm really stubborn.stubborn of admitting my feelings, stubborn of losing my pride.y?cuz i'm scared.scared of wat?scared of losing ppl from my life when i admit my feelings.scared of losing the feeling when i admit my feelings.scared of losing my pride after i admit my feelings.i'm so scared tat i would lose tat person from my life if we were ever together.scared of breaking up.scared tat i was doin too much o too,wat happened in the end?nothing.y?cuz i din do anything instead of doin sumthing bout and girls out there,i can oni tell u one thing,chances come and go.dun just think of ur pride and held up ur feelings.dun b stupid by thinking tat 'nvm nid to tell wan lar.tell also useless'.well,it does make a difference.and a BIG one...
- June 12, 2006

aN r3lAxInG & wOnD3rFuL 3v3nInG

i had a nice and relaxing evening out just now....went out wif a fren....more to a bro.was at island cafe in ss2 in PJ...he gave me a treat...thx bro,appreciate it.lolz.talking to him is really like talking to a caring bro.lolz.i can just talk wateva i wan wif him.though there's some secrets tat i havta to keep to myself.but then,the advice tat he gave to me,is sumthing tat i can keep in my heart and remind myself alwiz.thx alot...realli..i mean it.for telling me,reminding me,and advising me.i just hope tat i was a nuisance..lolz.
- June 08, 2006

I lOv3 tH3s3 qOuT3s!!!

  • It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride !
  • Love is... when you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You"
  • Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?
  • Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?
  • sometimes the best and the most beautiful things in the world cannt be seen,cannot be touched but can be felt in the heart
- June 07, 2006

sTaRt bAcK dAyS oF sChLiNg n wOrKiNg

I started working back...after sch hours.right after sch,i'll b in SUB Sg, Wang...doin my job as a part time promoter.truth is,it's tiring,but then,being able to help my supervisors and lessen their workload while getting paid is kinda good.though my homework is also 'mountaining',i guess i'm coping ok...the attitude towards study has changed.been reading bits by bits everyday whenever there's time.dun wanna waste my time anymore just looking at the empty air in front...after working there these few days,i learned sumthing.ppl can b so fake pretendious one can dislike u and condemn u so much while on the other side,can treat u like an part timer colleague is even funnier....he said...there'll b internal war...hello!!!every working place...sure got internal war wan ler....haha....anyway...working while studying is sumthing tat i wouldn't go and recommend ppl to do...cuz it's damn tiring...unless u need money desperately and tat u dun hav the money from the PTPTN o wateva loan u can apply but din me...i wan to get my W800i desperately...lolz.and my shopping i opted for a lazy pig like me..tat is so lazy to study..this is a good way for me to spend my free time rather than facing the com right after back from sch.haha....
sum1 once told me tat....when u love needs no reason...well..if there's a reason to love..tat's not love a scene from One Tree Hill Season 3 ep 13'The Wind That Blew My Heart Away', Lucas was telling Brooke how he love her...after she asked y he chose her over the midle of a thunderstorm...and Lucas would tell her that if she need any more reasons....he can go all the middle of the thunderstorm.think of
- June 04, 2006

mY sHoPpInG lIsT....

This would b my latest shopping money!!!wuu wuu..lucky found a job back....working after class at SUB sg wang least got some extra money to support my shopping spree...lolz

1.1 long sleeve military men shirt
2.A few long sleeve men shirt,plain colour(white/beige)
3.A long sleeve men shirt which i saw at quicksilver...
4.A few plain coloured singlets(white/grey/pale blue)
5.A few singlets with vertical/horizontal stripes singlets
6.A few mini ties(black/grey)
7.1/2 pairs of sneakers
8.W800i(soooooooooooooooooo important!!!!!lolz)
9.1/2 pairs of jeans
10.1/2 pair of pants(cargo pants)

Any1 that can support me with the money to buy these things?lolz..

- May 28, 2006

b3aUtIfUl tHiNgS

Lately....indulged back into online gaming...this time playing a game called Silk Road nice.hehe.But then,ade ponteng 2 days out of first 5 days of class.kewl...lolz...meeting back the group of frens and doin stuff together was great...just missed them alot..the crazy ppl and the crazy talk.lolz.crazy ppl...u know who u r rite...Where'd you go by fort cooooool...was like floating along wif the background vocal...passion and i'm crazy by se7en...nice nice...i love r &b feel...sch work getting more and more...gotta read....wat's anterior..posterior...dorsal,ventral,cephalic..any1 can tell me and explain to me?lolz.
- May 26, 2006

sOm3 pO3mS I cR3aT3d mYs3lF....f33l Fr33 tO hAv A lOOk

As I longed to see the beautiful face of yours,
And my heart is aching badly from missing you everyday,
Your guardian angel came to me and sit awhile with me,
Whispering sweet ittle words of you into my ears,
Easing the pain that is chained to me forever,
As i have alwiz missed and loved you forever.

Forgive me if I have not said enough 'I Love You',
Cuz the greatness of my love for you be expressed by neither words or actions,
And that I'm so afraid that I would,
Lose you forever if I ever said it too much.

Shall I ever lose your hands from mine,
I will do anything to find it and guide it back into my arms,
Warming it in times of cold and rough,
Cuz losing your hands from mine means losing your love,
And losing your love is losing the purpose of my life.

It requires a great courage to fall in love with you,
Cuz you are too perfect and beautiful in my eyes,
And that I was afraid,
That I would lose you after loving you,
That I would wake up from the dreams I had about you and me,
That my love for you would fade,
But the love and hope that I had for you,
Was far greater than the courage or anything else in this world that would come in between,
That has made me so in love with you.

If I could not be the one who hold ur arms,
I would be your guardian angel,
Protecting you and guiding you always,
I would be your picture frame in your room or ur diary,
Holding your most treasure memories,
I would be your favourite pet,
Accompanying you alwiz and protecting you in times of danger,
I would ask God to turn me into things that you treasure most,
So I can be by your side,
Watching over you, guarding you, and protecting you forever.

May 24, 2006

n3w s3m D

New semester of my course just started...when i saw the timetable..i was shocked...all in and there got periods...most of them has a big big gap in between...dunno wat to do wif the time hope also...last sem was playing the fool...hope tat this sem...watever i wan in my studies...will b done...if i get more hardworking tat is...lolz...well...ppl as lazy as i am...need some push ups...not just little...alot i guess..lolz..some things went on smoothly during the holiday...some things din go on as i expected i would b....who cares!!!lolz...anyway...eating my chicken chop rice rite now wif some dessert...yum yum...cheers ^-6
- May 23, 2006


Semester break has just started for me.1 month man!been in kl for 2 weeks before i go back.if its not becuz of my sister, i would have gone back like ages ago.just kenot stand the boreness here.first week was spent clubbling almost everyday.this is the 2nd week,rotting at home since dun feel like goin anywhere at all.i miss my home sweet home,i miss my parents, i miss my frens.wuu wuu.sumthing else happened this week tat made me realise how stupid and foolish i am.just like a little kid.haih.hope to learn from this exp.sienz.frens,where art thou?lolz.ARGH!!!me goin crazy around here d.sum1 come and take me away from this boredom and misery!!!any1?
- May 03, 2006

ArGh!!!!!cLuBbInG @gaIN!!!

lately...been clubbing 1 month 3 o 4 times...-.-!!!hehe...been seeing more and more seafood shuffle..lolz..those seafood....shuffle damn 'tut'...lolz..and then can r&b shuffle wan wor...lolz..damn also can wear those shuffle pants...can go and spend those money just to make a pair of pants tat cost bout rm 200 just for shuffle...c ade also damn sienz..lolz...and damn sienz wif thai d...the songs keep repeating and repeating itself...every week also the same..whether r&b,crunk&b o trance..all same song..i also can memorise the any clubbing place to intro?
- April 30, 2006

BoRinG DAys AheAd!!! has been bad......really really bad.i mean,first of all....the U intake result....which was supposed to b out on the 16th,became 20th then...22th and the last 24th.....tat was not all...the most horrible thing was...i couldn't get into any of the damned U.....which was shitty for me enuf.u c,my pointers was 3.25,and i applied for some very easy course and still couldn't get in...while all my classmates and frens with lower pointers than me still could get in and their happily preparing for their admission on this shocked!!!so devastated....but then wat to do if the government dun wan me inside..these few days had been very shopping to relieve stress(lol!!!),bz appealing for another U intake for me,bz goin here and there to c important ppl in U and c wat they can do to help me.after this, stil hav to wait for 1 month,b4 i can go into U and study(sob!!!)so frens,dun worry for me...i'm still very fine down here...and i'm goin to continue being
- June 28, 2005

ReDaNG!!!ToTaLlY GrEaT!!!

just came back from readang yesterday.....the trip was on the 18th,19th and 20th of june.....woah!!!!great....too nice for words...the sand on the beach was like the flour tata we use in cooking everyday...haha..ok!ok!mebbe i was describe is over ade...but was really fine....the water was like the water tat we drink everyday...haha...crystal like their not scared of u...swimming beside u...just beside the the coral are just pretty and stunning...there is snorkelling activities different places...u can also feed the fishes...the guides will provide bread for the tourists to feed the fishes...there's also baby sharks in the shallow water...which are all vegetarians..and the workers there are very friendly....especially those snorkelling guides...very funny...everything was just nice and beautiful..the scenery,the waters,the ppl.....a totally wothy trip...everyone should go....we all plan to go
- June 21, 2005

great day...great week

haha....not actuali a great's been boring with nth to do everyday...practicaly sleep,read comics and watch tv...tat's all...but today was like...whoa!!last nite i slept at 4am....after yam cha wif fren and read comics while listening to trance from paul van up at bout 1..then...had my lunch...which is chang(yet again)...and then...sleep again from 2 to great....hehe
- June 13, 2005