谁都想感到被爱 - 曾国辉

I didn't what went through my mind,
What prompt me to do it,
But I did it in the end;

I know I'm supposed to have let go,
I know I'm simply too foolish to do what I've done,
But I've done it anyway;

I'm supposed to be this strong person,
I'm supposed to have done other things to soothe me,
But I've done it anyway;

I've tried to sleep,
I ate,I drank and I did a thousand things,
But I still did it in the end;

I thought to myself 'NO!',
I've tried restraining myself,
But I still did it in the end;

Now, this is really going to be the last time,
The last time I'm doing this,
There's not going to be any next time;

There must be a period in this,
No more comma or continuation,
The curtain has been drawn,
The actors have gone home,
What more story can be told?
-September 17, 2007

3nD oF m3

A beautiful vivid dream of you,
That I woke up from,
Staring into the dark space that surrounds,
I struggle to recall,
What has become a distant memory,
What is of us now?
Where are we down the road?
What about the future that we often joked?
All is but fallen crumbs from the memories that we shared;
Everything that you have given me is surrounding me,
Constantly providing memories of the moment tied upon,
Shall I cast them away? Or shall I return them?
Both are neither a solution;
Reconcilement was never on my mind,
nor that it will ever cross my mind again,
Our story has come to an end,
period was the last thing written in the book;
I've woken up from the sweet dreams that you've given me,
And ready to face the reality as always,
It's time to move on,
We will and definitely are going to be better persons in the future.
-September 14, 2007

不能說的秘密

"Follow the notes upon a journey

At first sight marks one's destiny

Once the voyage comes to an end

Return lies within hasty key"

Quoted from Secret.

We dream about the world that we want to be in, the Utopia where everything is according to our will. From the moment we know about words, things that surround us or the people that we live by, we would start to imagine the perfect imaginary world, the perfect imaginary friends and the perfect imaginary life with the partner that we want them to be. Humans are natural daydreamers. But the harshness of reality often slaps us back to the cold hard surface of the world, keeping us rooted to the ground and to be practical, realistic. We often tend to dream too much of the perfect world, making us truly believe that the imaginary Utopia would exist not just in our own mind, but also in our reality, tending to us supplying the long lasting warmth in the midst of the cold fog that blurs our mind. When the warmth that tends no longer supplies, a person with an empty shell emerges from the dark. Movies, love story and songs often keep us reminiscing, occasionally supplies the warmth that was once lost. But as the long cold darkness hardens the empty shell, occasional warmth no longer provides and dimmed away in the hopes to being able to bring back the collections. When will we be able to revive back the soft tenderness from the buried underground? Perhaps, when we are really able to, the time would be long gone, leaving us with the empty shell that dwell so long that the former is unable to penetrate into the abyss anymore. What are we then? A empty shell of collections that emotionless?
-August 22, 2007

ApOlOgIzE

The words that I long from you,
Even simple sentences of daily matters,
That you convey to me,
Would lift me up,
But it's missing from your lips,
Even words of simple care,
Everything that you utter seems forced out from you,
A dialogue is the living part in the bond between two person,
A monologue is not what I want it to be,
This is not what it used to be,
Changes are expected, but only for the better,
Why isn't there any confession of sin? Or even a simple explanation?
Though not expected from you, but suffice for me,
Relationship is the effort of both hands,
Reality shows one hand struggling to make the other clap,
The Door of Trust is thought to have opened for me,
Reality slaps me awake, projecting the Door shutting down,
Wonder whether had I done wrong,
Weary, the lonely soul will back away if this is the continuity,
I'll never grieve, this is not me, I'll be myself and cold.
-August 20, 2007

地平线

Fly, fly, fly up into the stary stary night,
The butterfly that represent my heart,
Across the horizon to the other part of the world,
To the person that holds dear,
Stay there and be replenished,
Spread your wings and show you everlasting beauty,
Channeled by the love that showered you with,
Time will not fade you away,
Distance will not wither you off,
Your journey will be fueled by the yearning and longing for the dearest,
Let the bright sunlight bathe your body,
The serene moonlight shines the path,
And the stars accompany you and guide your way,
As you wade your way through each day's river of hardship,
To present my love and care,
And rejoice in dearest presence.
-July 24, 2007

Am I still sober?

Sober by Kelly Clarkson

And I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing’s real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it’s never really over

And I don’t know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won’t worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It’s never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it’s still harder now
Three months I’ve been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I’m still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

Ever heard a song that made you cry the first time you hear it? To me, this is the song. I wouldn't be timid and not admit that I don't cry. Everyone will cry. I thought I would be able to hold up whatever feeling I have inside and keep them quietly. But it seems that it's really hard for someone to be able to fully control their own feelings. Especially lately, the longer the time goes without someone that you love by your side, the harder it is to stop the feeling of missing someone. When you desire for the person's return to your side, you longed for the warmth, and you wished for the presence of that someone, but somehow, reality seems to push you back from paradise and letting you to suffer the mortal pain of the heart. It's hurts deeply...for I have woken up
-June 08, 2007

hOw iT cAm3 dOwN wItH tHiS

Wishes came from: Guat Im, Gaik Hi, Shirlyn, Mellisa(Bitch!!!), Kok Jian, Yu Zi, Aruna, Terry, Sister, Sai Weng, Yik Wei, Godmum, Michelle Peris, Wan Chii, Pey Yie, Hui Ping, Novanne, Eric Tam, Nay Wah, Shan Qi, Azura, Cheng Foh, Pooi San, Seong Heng, Jason Robert, Teddy, Yeannie Yeap, Vincent, Victor, Siew Boon. Thanks to all who wishes me. All the best to you in your future undertakings. I'm still waiting for your presents. Hehe. Pre-celebration was in Zouk with Jason and the gangs while post celebration was with Eric and the gang. Pre-celebration was the best, though the gang was unknown to me. On the other hand, Post celebration was a mess. First of all, I was the one to book the place, and I was the one who were being ditched in the last minute, with me ended up in panic as to find people to fill up the places. Some guys are real bitches who dares to actually ditch people without informing them. I wonder whether they have any guts or that they're real chickens that just go cuckooing around. Please people, don't come and tell me that you've confirmed that you're going and in the end, canceling the thing, leaving me in utter confusion and disappointment. I thought that friends who are close to me know that I really hate being ditched and that I would definitely launch into rampage mode. Just say that you cant confirm it from the start and that would make things easier for you and me. Please guys, do remember that I hate being ditched in the last min, and i hate being asked where I am and the next minute, no reply or whatsoever. Real chickens and fakes. Such fates landed just on the 2nd day of my new year.
-April 15, 2007

b3cAuS3 yOu lIv3

It finally comes down to week 14 of another semester of uni life. And another big chapter of my life is closing it's curtain. 21 years of existence and yet nothing big achieved. Unlike last year where the celebration involves around 20+ people, this year's celebration is going to be a quiet one. Probably because most of them would forget it anyway.hehe. Or that they would be back in hometown even before the date is here, and taking their own sweet time to enjoy the study week. Or that the others would be busy having their finals. (Not saying anything guys and girls).hehe. But somehow, a quiet one would feel much better this time, if it's to be compared to a big party. The missing part would the presence of some people are to be missed. It's unavoidable somehow, as this is part of the deal and that it's part of the circumstances. Presents are already being confirmed by some people,hehe. And I kind of like them, as they're my fav things. The emotional weather this few days were not really encouraging. Storms came and past, and is predicted ahead also. Hm, having emo is bad. I hate it. And yet, I'm always having it. Hm, another chapter will ended 'alone' again, I guess...
-April 08, 2007

Fumed With Anger

As the title said, the opening blog for 2007 is filled with anger towards one person. And people who always talk to me would definitely know who deserved to be dissed by me to the point that he's almost worthless. It's really beyond my mind, how someone could be so freaking blur when you've given him hints that he should stop what he's doing, or that you finally spoke it out in front on him to stop the activities he's been doing. But still, he doesn't really get it. weird!!! You can actually guess I have a hell lot of patience by sticking up to this behaviour for 2 weeks plus before finally telling him straight in the face, asking him to either stop what he has been doing, or minimize the frequency. And being a straight forward person, I've tried to make it as subtle as possible that it's really really annoying to me. But somehow, I guess sometimes it's inevitable that humans are born with little or no mind at all, unable to interpret the message I'm trying to convey. Stopping for a few days was all that he can manage to come up with. In the end, the activity continues back. Other bad things such as hygiene or habits shall not be discussed here as it's might be too long to finish. Plus, looking at the same person for more than 1 year everyday is enough to make me puke. I'm really afraid that one day I'll really puke in front of him.hehe. The final straw to this solution will be taken soon: to move out and find a place of my own.
-March 25, 2007

tH3 wAiTiNg gAm3

As the title proposed, I've fallen into a waiting game, a game that tests my patience and my loyalty to the max. Waiting for someone to return from a place faraway, but the end result is not to be beside me; just to shorten the distance between us. Sometimes, the feeling of missing the person is too much to bear, and when you want them to be by your side, you realized that the both of you are separated by oceans apart. Maintaining the relationship is another matter, time difference, distance and the absence of the person makes it hard having to compromise each other. However, the feeling of knowing that there is someone out there in the world who cares bout you, and constantly think of your well being is enough to make up to all the circumstances that comes in between. The satisfaction of just being able to talk to and see that person through online chat is sufficient to dismissed the hardship of staying up at odd hours and not having enough sleep. Through separation, one learns to appreciate and love the other person more. The saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is exceptionally true to me as I learn to manage my time while being able to commit myself in this relationship. One advice, long distance is not the thing for the faint hearted. You'll realized that you can almost go nuts just by thinking and missing that person.
-January 10, 2007

tH3 3nD oF aNoTh3r cHaPt3r

It's December again. Another year is coming to an end and another year is beginning soon. During this time, does it cross your mind of what have you achieved and lost this year? Do you think of what have you gained from the incidents that happened within this year? This has got to be the most exciting and yet meaningful year, for I'm 21 this year, studied and work at the same time, and gain insights to alot of things in life especially in work and people. But it's also a year of disappointment, resentment and vengeance. The world would still be moving, and though I've learnt to move on and let go, sometimes things are hard to let go and it drags you behind. And there I was, standing still in the midst of moving world, looking and grasping for things that I've lost along the way. Things have passed and the burdens are abandoned, easing me of the journey that is laid in front of me in a new year to come. What about your resolution for the new year? Ever thought of achieving them? Sometimes, Loving someone is hard to do. Especially when the person you love the most isn't there by you side. Both parties are so near, and yet so far to each other. And whenever you look at how a couple are all lovey dovey, you wish the same for you too, but you can't because the other party is not there for you. How do you deal with it? Last but not least, 为什么相爱的人不能在一起?
-December 18, 2006

s3aSoN oF sIcKn3sS

I've fallen sick...shoulder ache due to standing on the selling floor everyday with my arms at the back,sore throat which was followed by dry cough and flem followed later. I hate being sick. It's annoying. Coughing when serving customers are not very nice. And my shoulder is killing me. It's been hurting since last week. And I can't seem to make it go away. Work place is another problem. Conflicts here and there with the superiors back stabbing each other when the other is not around. Well, what can you expect? With every work place there will be conflicts and back stabbers around. This can't be avoided. And sometimes I wonder, why do you ask for someone's help when you end up condemning it to the tiny part? Or the fact that you don't like the thing that was done, and ended up changing the whole lot of it or redo it from the scratch? Why bother to even ask for help at the first place? Isn't it better to do it yourself since you're not satisfied with other people's work? Well, maybe what I did was not up to the standard, or the fact that they were just asking for my advice just for the fun of it: to strike a conversation, a teasing point or something. Well, whatever. I don't really care anymore. Whatever they ask me to do, I'll just do my best and don't care the rest of the story. Cause they don't really involve me anymore. On the other hand, sometimes you just wonder whether are you really that close to people around you as you know it? Or are they more close to each other as compared to you with them? When you can't get a little bit of what they are talking about in a chit-chat session, it's still ok. But when you can't get a big part of the conversation, you felt left out. And it's a big big part. What would you do?
-November 14, 2006

m3aSuR3 oF a mAn

Recently,I've been reprimanded by peoples for being stubborn beyond help. So stubborn that it's annoying others. This happened in the work place. For me, I couldn't care less. Most probably is because I'm already doing my best to satisfy all those around me. And standing firm on my ground for once is like doing a favor for myself. I do wonder, how wrong is it to show people that you don't like something to the extend that you hate it? And yet I'm forced to change that attitude,forcing me to pretend and fake that I have nothing against the thing I'm hating so much. This is just like when you're a little kid and your mum forced you to eat that brocoli that you dreaded so much. When you see people around you being in love and going out together in couples and you being alone with them, it makes you get the lovey dovey feeling and wanting to have a love too. But when you see the people around you falling out of love and being sad and lonely, it makes you scared and not wanting to get hurt like them.Protecting yourself, not wanting to let anyone in, rejecting people that tries to come into your life. To you, you're only protecting yourself and being selfish to yourself, but to others, you're hurting them, due to your unwillingness to let out and give the chance, to try and feel the joy. In the end, both parties will get hurt, and you end up regretting for letting that chance slipped away.
-November 02, 2006

nOn-b3lI3v3rS oF lOv3

Lately, I've found my much need privacy and space. Ever since my roomie went back hometown and me working for about 1 month, being alone for this period has left me with alot of solitude and tranquility. Self discovery was in full gear as I took the time to set my priorities and aim right again on what is supposed to be done more, and what is supposed to done less. Ahhh...peace and silence,hehe. It's October, the month of Libra. Let me wish a happy birthday and happy belated birthday to my friends : Annie Ang, Wei Soon, Ning Xin, Steve Ooi, Jess Chin, Vincent Chong, Jason Timothy and others that I've forgotten.hehe. Once love is lost, it's hard to be found back again, unless you found the right one. Or you just hop from one relationship to another,hoping you'll find back the love that you've lost. But what if love was never on your side from the start? Wandering around in the desert,the thirst for love grows deeper and deeper. The sun is scorching hot, and mirage is fooling your sight and perception,leading you away from the right track. You give up in the end, not believing in any oasis that will appear in front of you, as you've locked your heart away, telling yourself that you're not goin to fall for the same thing anymore. But what is the oasis is the correct one you've been searching all this while?
-October 16, 2006

wH3n tH3 mOoN sHiN3s bRiGhTlY oN oTh3rS iNsT3aD oF m3

it's 6 in the morning,and i've just finished talking on skype.The last few months has been amazing.Ups and downs were alot,where i stumbled and fell.People changed, and yet i felt like i'm still standing still,watching people pass me by.Maybe it's just me,i don't know.And i don't care either.Lately, adapting the 'boh chap' attitude has been bringing me some kind of peace in my mind.In a sense, it's taking me further down the road instead of dragging me behind like i used to.Alot of people used to say this,'The world is not fair'.But to me,yes..the world may not be fair to you,but the most important thing is how you turn around the table and make it fair for you.I like one of the lines of the female character in the movie 'My Name is Fame' where she says,'I search for my chances,instead of waiting at home for my chances to come searching for me like you'.Chances and options are always available eevrywhere.It all comes down to the way you deal with it,whether you go out and search for it,or wait forever for them to come looking for you.Ahhh....fate again.And again,it's playing with me and my life.Things will happen anyhow,and it's goin to happen what ever way you try to avoid it.And when the thing does happen in the end,the preparation for the matter is important.The preparation will either leave you in pieces, or standing strong,looking positively into the future.What is cruel to the eye and soul, is good for the journey ahead.
-September 15, 2006

i'M sTiLl oN tH3 oTh3r sId3 oF tH3 rAiNbOw

Fate likes to toy with people.It comes to you when you least expected it, and lingers around for some time.And when you least espected it again,it just left you in darkness,desperately grapping for support.Two person meet each other out of nowhere in this world, and they're fated to undergo tests and trials.But those tests and trials doesn't mean that it will bring them together.It suffers much, when you are so near and yet so far away from each other.It hurts alot,knowing that how much you long for each other and yet you can't be together.Watching some people in pain,makes me wonder,have I done anything to deserve this?Why can't things be smooth sailing all the way?In the end, it's all back to fate.I always believe that fate and destiny arrange the paths of our lifes,it's just which path we choose to walk on, and that we have to take in everything that comes in the way,and not grumble nor blame other things,as this is the road that we have chose to walk on.
-August 29, 2006

tH3 m3 iNsId3 iS cRyInG

I don't know what the f*ck happen today...but suddenly i felt like i want to cry so badly...yeah yeah yeah..i know you guys will say,'wat la,a guy shouldn't cry'...but then, i just felt like it.maybe it's because of what people said some times.being somewhat a little bit different from other people makes you felt like an alien.and i was there like,wtf,is there any wrong of me being like this?how come alot other people can accept and u just can't?and there you are,keep on pretending like u're an S.N.A.G...like a wannabe.what can i say?you're just gaping at the heavens above,strugling but reach it,but you're never gonna achieve the status you've been dreaming of no matter who you mix with, or how you want to change it.please, dun try and be a faker out there,you just make me sick as i'm able to see through ur mask everyday. you thought i was being naive,but you're wrong.i've been pretending all this while that you can't see me through.you're just like a little kid in front of me.i never bothered to tell you the truth although you asked me before, cuz i found out what your reaction will be before that, and boy, how lucky i was to know that beforehand.if not,things would get much worse than it is now.well, don't you worry,cuz i won't explode in front of you,cuz i know it's not worth of me doin that.i know i'm far more superior than you, and that i'm the one who will prevail in the end.
-August 22, 2006

rAiNbOwS iN mY lIf3

wow....its like ages since i last wrote.haha.mebbe cuz i was too bz..goin out and stuff.hmm,let me c.first of all,i stop working ade.so.guys and gals,if wanna look for me,i'm not working in SUB at sg wang anymore.call me sin if wanna look for me instead of goin straight to sg wang..lolz.but me gonna continue working back in oct.juz finish 'tons' of assignments.lolz.to u all.mebbe it's not much.but to me.it's damn alot.cuz i procastinate.well,wat to do.u all know very well tat i'm a procastinator by nature.so lazy.hehe.yay!!!i finally went back hometown after 3 months.but the sad thing was.i made my mum angry.lolz.finals coming.omg.getting panic and scared now.lolz.y?cuz i din study at all.and esp my maths.gonna get the lowest marks ever.shit.haha.who ask me to alwiz ponteng like nobody's business?one more thing....i love mokuzi.lolz..mokuzi my baby.love u.muax..haha
-August 15, 2006

y3s........nO....

y yes?and y no?yes is for the freedom i have finally.today was the last day at my work.now i'm free from any work d.no?cuz though i got my freedom,it's not forever.i finished my work to face the damn bloody finals in juz one month.i have missed so much of class behind my frens.haihz...hope tat i can catch up.so many things in juz one month.esp my stupid freeaking maths.so many tutorials to finish up.argh.pls help me.on the other hand.so many things happened during this period of a few months.most of it.bad....haihz.doesn't my luck gonna change any sooner?life is so fragile and unfair sumtimes.so many things can happen to sum1...and so many little things can happen to another person.the same thing goes for good things and bad things..it's how we make use of the things tat happen in life to our advantage.and learn from them.become our greatest fren instead of treating them like ur worst enemies.
-August 01, 2006

oOpS.....

Oops...i juz broke my glasses a few minutes ago.damn...i juz made the new glasses when i got back hometown in may.and now broke d.tml havta send to one of the optometrician and c whether they can repair back,the design is not bad u know.>_< !!!haihz.who ask me to b so geng.the force pressing on the glasses so strong till it broke.sob sob.when sum1 who is important to sum1 important to ur life suddenly gone just like tat, u felt it too.it's juz like sum1 important to u is missing ade also.but i know, she will b able to get on with life again,rite whoever u r?being sum1 as strong as her is great, but having her as ur bestest fren is the greatest thing ever.ppl alwiz said.do the best u can.but then, wat's the best u can that u can do?how do u define the best?like how is the best?striving without fail?o juz plain striving without a goal?talking on the phone juz now,there's a point being said.u spend a big part of ur life sleeping away.so,how u wanna spend the rest of ur life in the awake part?to me,it's bout living it to the fullest as u can.fill it with every moment of hardwork and happiness.but never forget to endure the pain and sadness also.cuz it's those tat shape u to become who u r.lately,i've learned to quiet down and juz watch the surrounding and the ppl in it.though i did this all this, but this is from a diff perspect.seeing things from outside the box is so much diff from seeing from inside the box though the content of the box is still the same.all rite.i wanna go kill myself in my sleep now...kekez.
- July 14, 2006

f33l lIk3 sHiT

haihz.lately so damn bad.i was having one of my worst mood swings ever.one minute i feel so worthless, the other i feel like just kissing sum1...any1.1 whole week man, i was goin crazy juz cuz of it.i wanted so much to pin it out in d blog, but couldn't juz find the words...and just stare at the com blankly...like some asshole wif nth to do.so many critisism i receive this week.haihz.my haircut too short till it make me look like sohai, me being so dark d, y i alwiz ponteng for no reason and the list go on...and just now clubbing at thai, ppl laugh at my shuffle.like i'm a kiddie.n ppl go and say my fren's shuffle is nice.lolz.wateva lar.i know my shuffle like shit.compared to my frens, me is d weakest in shuffle d.and d one wif the worst look.haha.my confidence has gone bottom low.d homework n the assignment at sch.looking at them makes me wanna vomit.pilling like some little hill d.procastinating,delaying,denying..tat's wat i'm doin all over this week.i'm trying to run away from everything all this week.dun wanna try and face it.but i know tat running away is the coward's way to dealing wif things.i will havta face it sooner o later.it's now o never.my double personality is alwiz contradicting themselves inside of me.whenever my mood is down,juz feel like eating alot of things.one of them being ice cream and dark choc.haihz...dun wanna think so much d.go and sleep,then go and face a new day tml.and indulge in my work and acohol summore(if possible).pls...either some1 come and hugz me to sleep...o sum1 just come and kill me off..

my brain is spinning too fast,
till its out of control and making me mad,
i cant control myself,
pls someone come and tell me wat to do,
save me from this chain of misery,
and be my angel of destiny.

- July 07, 2006

mOoDy w3aTh3r,mOodY pPl

lately the weather was kinda bad..everyday raining.but its a good thing also.cuz raining days can cuddle cuddle and hugz hugz...lolz.to all those tat hav lovers in their live,this is the chance to do it.lolz.the bad weather also affects the mood on ppls.i was also wuite moody...but then...the bad weather has passed.lolz.bobo once said to me,'understanding ur weakness but not willing to change it is even worse than those tat dunno their own weakness'.yea,i agree tat is true.recently, i can c it in my working place also.alot of those ppl rite,dunno where they were wrong at.and when got the scolding,they think tat they dun deserve it.in fact,they did wrong first.and they dun wan to accept tat they r wrong.and keep admitting tat they were never wrong.and pls ler...just cuz u're a permanent promoter,doesn't mean tat u can flash out ur temper so easily..lolz
- June 25, 2006

dIfF pPl,dIfF r3aCtIoN

lately i've been reprimanded by some close ppl in my life for being a coward in love.thx guys, for telling me and reminding me alwiz.one particular person said wanna kick me when got chance to c me.lolz.another asked me not to b stubborn.yea,i guess i'm really stubborn.stubborn of admitting my feelings, stubborn of losing my pride.y?cuz i'm scared.scared of wat?scared of losing ppl from my life when i admit my feelings.scared of losing the feeling when i admit my feelings.scared of losing my pride after i admit my feelings.i'm so scared tat i would lose tat person from my life if we were ever together.scared of breaking up.scared tat i was doin too much o too little.so,wat happened in the end?nothing.y?cuz i din do anything instead of doin sumthing bout it.so....guys and girls out there,i can oni tell u one thing,chances come and go.dun just think of ur pride and held up ur feelings.dun b stupid by thinking tat 'nvm ler.no nid to tell wan lar.tell also useless'.well,it does make a difference.and a BIG one...
- June 12, 2006

aN r3lAxInG & wOnD3rFuL 3v3nInG

i had a nice and relaxing evening out just now....went out wif a fren....more to a bro.was at island cafe in ss2 in PJ...he gave me a treat...thx bro,appreciate it.lolz.talking to him is really like talking to a caring bro.lolz.i can just talk wateva i wan wif him.though there's some secrets tat i havta to keep to myself.but then,the advice tat he gave to me,is sumthing tat i can keep in my heart and remind myself alwiz.thx alot...realli..i mean it.for telling me,reminding me,and advising me.i just hope tat i was a nuisance..lolz.
- June 08, 2006

I lOv3 tH3s3 qOuT3s!!!

• It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride !

• Love is... when you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You"
• Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?
• Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?
• sometimes the best and the most beautiful things in the world cannt be seen,cannot be touched but can be felt in the heart

- June 07, 2006

sTaRt bAcK dAyS oF sChLiNg n wOrKiNg

I started working back...after sch hours.right after sch,i'll b in SUB Sg, Wang...doin my job as a part time promoter.truth is,it's tiring,but then,being able to help my supervisors and lessen their workload while getting paid is kinda good.though my homework is also 'mountaining',i guess i'm coping ok...the attitude towards study has changed.been reading bits by bits everyday whenever there's time.dun wanna waste my time anymore just looking at the empty air in front...after working there these few days,i learned sumthing.ppl can b so fake pretendious sumtimes....at one side....one can dislike u and condemn u so much while on the other side,can treat u like an angel.my part timer colleague is even funnier....he said...there'll b internal war...hello!!!every working place...sure got internal war wan ler....haha....anyway...working while studying is sumthing tat i wouldn't go and recommend ppl to do...cuz it's damn tiring...unless u need money desperately and tat u dun hav the money from the PTPTN o wateva loan u can apply but din get..like me...i wan to get my W800i desperately...lolz.and my shopping money..so i opted for it...plus..being a lazy pig like me..tat is so lazy to study..this is a good way for me to spend my free time rather than facing the com right after back from sch.haha....
sum1 once told me tat....when u love sum1...it needs no reason...well..if there's a reason to love..tat's not love anymore...in a scene from One Tree Hill Season 3 ep 13'The Wind That Blew My Heart Away', Lucas was telling Brooke how he love her...after she asked y he chose her over Peyton...in the midle of a thunderstorm...and Lucas would tell her that if she need any more reasons....he can go all nite...in the middle of the thunderstorm.think of tat....wow
- June 04, 2006

mY sHoPpInG lIsT....

This would b my latest shopping list....no money!!!wuu wuu..lucky found a job back....working after class at SUB sg wang back...at least got some extra money to support my shopping spree...lolz

1.1 long sleeve military men shirt
2.A few long sleeve men shirt,plain colour(white/beige)
3.A long sleeve men shirt which i saw at quicksilver...
4.A few plain coloured singlets(white/grey/pale blue)
5.A few singlets with vertical/horizontal stripes singlets
6.A few mini ties(black/grey)
7.1/2 pairs of sneakers
8.W800i(soooooooooooooooooo important!!!!!lolz)
9.1/2 pairs of jeans
10.1/2 pair of pants(cargo pants)

Any1 that can support me with the money to buy these things?lolz..

- May 28, 2006

b3aUtIfUl tHiNgS

Lately....indulged back into online gaming...this time playing a game called Silk Road Online...so nice.hehe.But then,ade ponteng 2 days out of first 5 days of class.kewl...lolz...meeting back the group of frens and doin stuff together was great...just missed them alot..the crazy ppl and the crazy talk.lolz.crazy ppl...u know who u r rite...Where'd you go by fort minor...so cooooool...was like floating along wif the background vocal...passion and i'm crazy by se7en...nice nice...i love it...so r &b feel...sch work getting more and more...gotta read....wat's anterior..posterior...dorsal,ventral,cephalic..any1 can tell me and explain to me?lolz.
- May 26, 2006

sOm3 pO3mS I cR3aT3d mYs3lF....f33l Fr33 tO hAv A lOOk

As I longed to see the beautiful face of yours,
And my heart is aching badly from missing you everyday,
Your guardian angel came to me and sit awhile with me,
Whispering sweet ittle words of you into my ears,
Easing the pain that is chained to me forever,
As i have alwiz missed and loved you forever.

Forgive me if I have not said enough 'I Love You',
Cuz the greatness of my love for you be expressed by neither words or actions,
And that I'm so afraid that I would,
Lose you forever if I ever said it too much.

Shall I ever lose your hands from mine,
I will do anything to find it and guide it back into my arms,
Warming it in times of cold and rough,
Cuz losing your hands from mine means losing your love,
And losing your love is losing the purpose of my life.

It requires a great courage to fall in love with you,
Cuz you are too perfect and beautiful in my eyes,
And that I was afraid,
That I would lose you after loving you,
That I would wake up from the dreams I had about you and me,
That my love for you would fade,
But the love and hope that I had for you,
Was far greater than the courage or anything else in this world that would come in between,
That has made me so in love with you.

If I could not be the one who hold ur arms,
I would be your guardian angel,
Protecting you and guiding you always,
I would be your picture frame in your room or ur diary,
Holding your most treasure memories,
I would be your favourite pet,
Accompanying you alwiz and protecting you in times of danger,
I would ask God to turn me into things that you treasure most,
So I can be by your side,
Watching over you, guarding you, and protecting you forever.

May 24, 2006

n3w s3m D

New semester of my course just started...when i saw the timetable..i was shocked...all in disarray...here and there got periods...most of them has a big big gap in between...dunno wat to do wif the time also...new hope also...last sem was playing the fool...hope tat this sem...watever i wan in my studies...will b done...if i get more hardworking tat is...lolz...well...ppl as lazy as i am...need some push ups...not just little...alot i guess..lolz..some things went on smoothly during the holiday...some things din go on as i expected i would b....who cares!!!lolz...anyway...eating my chicken chop rice rite now wif some dessert...yum yum...cheers ^-6
- May 23, 2006

hOlId@y!!!!

Semester break has just started for me.1 month man!been in kl for 2 weeks before i go back.if its not becuz of my sister, i would have gone back like ages ago.just kenot stand the boreness here.first week was spent clubbling almost everyday.this is the 2nd week,rotting at home since dun feel like goin anywhere at all.i miss my home sweet home,i miss my parents, i miss my frens.wuu wuu.sumthing else happened this week tat made me realise how stupid and foolish i am.just like a little kid.haih.hope to learn from this exp.sienz.frens,where art thou?lolz.ARGH!!!me goin crazy around here d.sum1 come and take me away from this boredom and misery!!!any1?
- May 03, 2006

ArGh!!!!!cLuBbInG @gaIN!!!

lately...been clubbing alwiz..like 1 month 3 o 4 times...-.-!!!hehe...been seeing more and more seafood shuffle..lolz..those seafood....shuffle damn 'tut'...lolz..and then can r&b shuffle wan wor...lolz..damn kewl...plus..they also can wear those shuffle pants...can go and spend those money just to make a pair of pants tat cost bout rm 200 just for shuffle...c ade also damn sienz..lolz...and damn sienz wif thai d...the songs keep repeating and repeating itself...every week also the same..whether r&b,crunk&b o trance..all same song..i also can memorise the sequence..lolz..people..got any clubbing place to intro?
- April 30, 2006

BoRinG DAys AheAd!!!

lately...it has been bad......really really bad.i mean,first of all....the U intake result....which was supposed to b out on the 16th,became 20th then...22th and the last 24th.....tat was not all...the most horrible thing was...i couldn't get into any of the damned U.....which was shitty for me enuf.u c,my pointers was 3.25,and i applied for some very easy course and still couldn't get in...while all my classmates and frens with lower pointers than me still could get in and their happily preparing for their admission on this weekend.......so shocked!!!so devastated....but then wat to do if the government dun wan me inside..these few days had been very bz....bz shopping to relieve stress(lol!!!),bz appealing for another U intake for me,bz goin here and there to c important ppl in U and c wat they can do to help me.after this, stil hav to wait for 1 month,b4 i can go into U and study(sob!!!)so frens,dun worry for me...i'm still very fine down here...and i'm goin to continue being fine..lol..
- June 28, 2005

ReDaNG!!!ToTaLlY GrEaT!!!

just came back from readang yesterday.....the trip was on the 18th,19th and 20th of june.....woah!!!!great....too nice for words...the sand on the beach was like the flour tata we use in cooking everyday...haha..ok!ok!mebbe i was describe is over ade...but then.....it was really fine....the water was like the water tat we drink everyday...haha...crystal clear....lol....the fishes...is like their not scared of u...swimming beside u...just beside the beach...lol..and the coral are just pretty and stunning...there is snorkelling activities everyday....to different places...u can also feed the fishes...the guides will provide bread for the tourists to feed the fishes...there's also baby sharks in the shallow water...which are all vegetarians..and the workers there are very friendly....especially those snorkelling guides...very funny...everything was just nice and beautiful..the scenery,the waters,the ppl.....a totally wothy trip...everyone should go....we all plan to go again...lol..
- June 21, 2005

great day...great week

haha....not actuali a great week....it's been boring with nth to do everyday...practicaly sleep,read comics and watch tv...tat's all...but today was like...whoa!!last nite i slept at 4am....after yam cha wif fren and read comics while listening to trance from paul van dyke....today...woke up at bout 1..then...had my lunch...which is chang(yet again)...and then...sleep again from 2 to 4.30..lol...too great....hehe
- June 13, 2005